How I set up the Dyspraxia Foundation Manchester Adult Support Group.

The Purpose of this blog is to promote The Dyspraxia Foundation E book' "Dyspraxic Adults Surviving in a NonDyspraxic World" self help book for dyspraxic adults. All proceeds go to the Dyspraxia Foundation Adult support groups. Available on Amazon for £9.99

This blog is about how I came to set up the Dyspraxia Foundation Adult Support group and the history behind it.

 In 1999 I was struggling with Manchester City Councils redeployment system that didn’t understand how to support a dyspraxic adult in the workplace or find suitable placements (A topic for another blog).

 At the ripe old age of 40 I was medically retired and pensioned off. I contacted Mary Colley (who very sadly died of breast cancer in 2010). I got emotional support and asked her if there was a support group in Manchester. There wasn’t one in Manchester so she suggested I set one up myself. To her surprise I told her I had experience of group work so I volunteered and I became the Dyspraxia Foundation Manchester Adult Support Group Co-ordinator.

 I first met up with Frances Shawcross the children’s co-ordinator and we went to Gill Dixon (who is now the DF’s Vice chairperson) Adult Support group in York. I also met Ken Hummer who was the Lancashire Group co-ordinator in St Anne’s. On sea. I am also dyslexic so I joined the Manchester dyslexia group meetings held in the basement of the Vine Pub.

In October of that year I organised our first meeting at a side room in the Briton’s Protection pub. I arranged to meet group member Geraldine Fletcher at my house so she could park her car and we would get the bus down to the pub. Unfortunately, Geraldine couldn’t find my house so I was late for the meeting.

 

Pub night 2004 with Founder Members Mark Brown, Ian Churchley, Geraldine Fletcher

 I arrived half an hour late very flustered to find Philp Mathews (my X boyfriend) and is friend Keith and to my surprise about 20 other people waiting for me. Some had come from the dyslexia group for moral support, some dyspraxic adults came on their own but the majority came with their parent’s.

I think Frances was reluctant or me to carry on with the group because she had low expectations of my abilities and thought that she was going to have to do all the work. the best way to win someone’s respect is not to fight with them  but to prove them wrong. She soon realised that I was more than capable of facilitating the group without her support. The group was very successful and I realised that I had found my true vocation in life and I started a new career in community development work.

I found that those adults who came with their parents did not speak for themselves and their parents spoke for them. This made it difficult if they wanted to talk about private issues. I got one of the parents I socialised with to facilitate parents group meetings and during socials where they still insisted attending with their adults which prevented them for engaging  with other group members. So parents sat at another  table together. to allow their adult to be themselves and interact with other group members. 

When we changed pubs and the meetings moved from Sunday to a Saturday afternoon and not a Sunday the parents decided to do their shopping and come back for their offspring. Eventually they didn’t come at all. I decided to make it a rule that non-dyspraxic parents were only allowed to come to the first meeting with their adult  and that it at the groups discretion if they decided to invite them back. 

The meetings were much more structured than they are now. There was a committee meeting followed by a group discussion such as ‘which pen is dyspraxic friendly’ with socials in-between. There were many much younger adults in those days so we had occasional socials for under 25s and gave them the opportunity to go clubbing in Manchester. I also was on the DF Adult support group Committee and later the Developmental Adult Neurodiversity Association (DANDA) committee. I helped out at their conferences and was often a speaker.

Christmas social 2008  at the Ann Lee Centre

 I improved my work practice by studying on the Diploma in Community and Youth Work at the University of Manchester. Although at the time I was happy to do all the work such as admin, minute writing, organising meetings and meeting people to show them venues: I realised this was not good practice as the roles should be delegated so that the group can run itself.

Although in most Dyspraxia Foundation Groups the co-ordinator chairs the meetings, I realised that it was good practice to empower others to give them the opportunity to chair meetings so Terri Rayner became our first chairman. She was very feisty and politically minded and when I became a student at the University of Bolton I studied with her during the Final year of the Degree in Community Studies. She had set up a disabled students support group and was very proactive in advocating for students who were not having their access needs met. Teri stood down and Miguel Hayworth became the chairman. Teri very sadly died in 2012 from Multiple Myeloma. Robert Hopkins is now our chairman and is also the Co-ordinator of the Preston Group.

Terri Rayner our first Chairperson

 In 2003 I won a Millennium Award to put on a conference on dyspraxia awareness for both adults and parents. This was held at the GMB union’s conference centre which was a great success and along with Manchester group volunteers, Mary Colley and Colin Wright came down from London to help out.

In 2004 a year before DANDA was founded The Manchester Dyspraxia Foundation Group became independent from the Dyspraxia Foundation and we became Dyspraxia Adult Action. Then Manchester Adult Neurodiversity Action and we were affiliated to DANDA.

 In 2006 I stopped running the group to study on the PGCE, unfortunately although I tried very hard we to delegate the group folded due to lack of proactivity. I relaunched the group In 2009 but I became ill with depression and anxiety due to being in the wrong job the same time as My Brother Robin dying of a sudden heart attack. For the first time the group became more proactive and ran it for themselves and gave me emotional support. When Mary Colley passed away, we decided in 2011 to go back with the DF as DANDA folded as a national organisation and just became a London group.

In 2011 we put on a ‘dyspraxia’s got talent’ show at the three minute theatre that was successful. I would also like to thank Emma Morris for campaigning for me to be voted for the Mary Colley award in 2013. In November of 2015 Emma and I published the E Book Dyspraxic Adult’s Surviving in a non-dyspraxic World which is selling slowly but steadily.

 Here is a link to my blog about the story behind the book.

Some of Dyspraxia Group 2016 Including our Treasurer Richard Hooker and past Secretary Heather Wainwright

I have learned the skill of delegation, the group runs itself. We also have volunteers who meet new people to help them find our venues as well as greeters in the meeting. Now that I am standing as a Dyspraxia Foundation Adult Advisor in July’s AGM in London, I will be only organising Manchester meetings every 3 months. It will be up to the group if they still want monthly ones. I will be frequently going down to London f to represent dyspraxic adults at DF trustee meetings. 

Now Robert Hopkins is our current Chairman and the group is still very proactive and can run itself and quite often they run the group whether I attend or not. Heather Wainwright and Ruth Foley help out too. We have occasional committee meeting and usually meet the first Saturday of the month at Nexus Art Café or The English lounge pub. It is easier to manage and for the group to be self-sufficient than structured meetings and much more popular. Free association is when people engage in social activities and give each other peer support. This means that group members talk more about their dyspraxic issues than in a formal environment. We encourage a positive attitude towards living with dyspraxia rather than being passive victims who moan every month about how awful it is to be dyspraxic. But we are supportive of those going through a difficult time. Hopefully we get the balance right and we definitely have a good laugh and a chat to put the world to right.

 From Left, Robert Hopkins, Heather Wainwright, Cas Whatson, Jane Ireland, Kevin Cotton

I would like to thank everyone who has been involved with running the dyspraxia group past and present and for supporting me when I was depressed.  This experience in group development gave me skills in community development to go back into paid work. It is very rewarding and I have made friends with a lot of lovely people. I have been told several times by group members, that attending group meetings has improved members wellbeing and self-esteem. If you are a dyspraxic adult looking for voluntary work and there is no Adult Support group in your area, why not have a go at setting your own group up starting with socials in Pubs or coffee bars and take it from there.

Surviving in a Non Dyspraxic World at a Girls Secondary Modern School 3

The Purpose of this blog is to promote The Dyspraxia Foundation E book' "Dyspraxic Adults Surviving in a NonDyspraxic World" self help book for dyspraxic adults. All proceeds go to the Dyspraxia Foundation adult support groups. Available on Amazon for £9.99

This  blog is part 2 of what it was like at Cheadle Kingsway Secondary School for Girls, Teacher and pupils names have been changed but the name of the school hasn't. Some of the funnier bits have become material for my stand Up Comedy.

PE, Maths and Chemistry and putting my foot in it.

P.E. Hell

I found competitive sports and PE. a nightmare and I was always the last to be chosen for the rounders or netball team. I did not learn to ride a bicycle until I was nine or tie my shoelaces until I was twelve. I tried desperately not to show myself up in P.E. although I hated it and only did this because I had to. I even got a grade 2 in P.E. one year on my report for trying hard. This was yet another disappointment to my mum who was more concerned with my poor academic grades and not my sporting ability

An incident I find funny now but at the time I felt like dying of shame. In the changing room after the compulsory shower after PE, the whole of second year were curiously staring at my well developed body like I was some kind of freak. I tried to get dressed behind my towel to have some privacy but couldn’t co-ordinate holding my towel and getting dressed at the same time. To my embarrassment my towel slipped exposing my enormous boobs and my fat belly, causing everyone to roar with mocking laughter. I pretended that I didn’t give a dam and told them all if it was that entertaining I would become a stripper when I left school. From then on I pretended I was on my period every week and refused to have a shower. If you are a well developed dyspraxic teen and your school still makes you endure this humiliation, I would advise you to get a towel with Velcro sewn onto it.

me at 16

 Another incident which was disastrous for a self-conscious adolescent occurred, but I can laugh at it now. During PE we all of second year were made to stand in line in the hall for misbehaving. This was no big deal to me as it was a preferable diversion. I began to develop tummy ache which was getting increasingly painful, but did not dare ask Mrs Peters a PE teacher with wrestlers legs, who had taken a dislike to me if, I could go to the toilet. I decided that I would relieve the pain by letting out a bit of wind. To my dismay a noise like a balloon being let down reverberated around the hall, causing the other girls scream and run away. I tried to blame it on Hazel who had the misfortune to stand next to me but everyone knew it was me! I’m sure if Hazel had blamed me if she was the farter she would have got away with blaming me.

In fourth and fifth year I wagged P.E. by hiding behind the mobile units, preferring going to detention and copying from a dictionary knowing full well the teachers would not look at what I had written because they also had to stay behind. This was less of a punishment than doing PE as far as I was concerned. Avoiding exercise didn’t help with my weight problem. Needles to say my PE grades went right down to a grade 5 during this time. By the time I was 12 I went on diets lost weight and then regained weight. This led to an obsession with dieting and binging which lasted for 20 years. Loosing weight was one of the few ways I got social approval from my peers and as an adult felt in control of my life. I can't find any photos of me when I was t my largest so I must have avoided the camera.

Maths

When I was about 14 my organisational skills suddenly improved I think I had developed my own strategies to organise myself or perhaps it was a stage of maturity in my development. I began to get on with my work and my standard of work dramatically improved.

 In third year I had Mr Summerhill a good looking man with an addiction to cigarettes who wore a horrible grey green suit for work, which was often stained by a leaking biro.  He was a really good maths teacher who could relate to young people and wouldn’t stand any nonsense. Thanks to him I began to make good progress in maths and got fatly good marks for this. To my dismay in fourth year I was put in the A stream for maths with all the brainy students. I had forgotten how to do some of the calculations I had been taught and because we were in the top maths class, we were expected to get on with it without much help. I wanted to ask Mr Summerhill why he had put me in the top stream but I was too shy to approach him. I soon got moved down to a lower stream but not the bottom one.

The Mystery of the Flying Zinc

One day after buying a stink bomb from the joke shop opposite the78 Record Exchange in Stockport I decided to let it off in school. I calmly walked into the toilet and threw the stink bomb over the toilet cubicle wall then cool as a cumber I walked out. 30 seconds later a stream of royal blue clad girls came running out, spluttering and holding their noses. I commented that it was a very childish prank because of the pong I did not have to pretend to look disgusted.

Mrs Smith I have a confession to make, It was me who threw the zinc at you in chemistry, although who would suspect someone who couldn’t throw a ball properly to aim so accurately?  Mrs Smith was a very stressed out chemistry teacher who was easy to wind up and make her red in the face and explode with anger.

My Brother Robin and I,yes we both could ride a bike

In chemistry I developed a phobia about using the pipette with acid. There were not suckers in those days and we had to use our mouths to suck up liquids, (Maybe I was scared of burning a hole in my neck) so I 'wagged' chemistry by hiding in the toilets and read ‘Clockwork orange’. I now realise that my phobia was due to my poor co-ordination. I got into trouble because my teacher thought I was deliberately being awkward so I fulfilled my deviant role by dropping chemistry. I was very disorganised, although I deliberately used to forget my P.E. kit I did unintentionally forgot to do my homework, to bring in the correct subject file and cookery ingredients.  Mrs Swain a cookery teacher who was considered to be very strict because she was the head of fourth year was the only one who realised that I couldn’t help forgetting things and asked me to do some baking for her.

As Tactful as a Bull in a China Shop

Some teachers thought I was not trying hard enough I, and my English teacher Mrs Bryce a softly spoken woman who used to be a nurse gave up on me because she thought I was good at creative writing and was not reaching my full potential.  She was the only teacher who could see through Veronica when she buttered up the other teachers to become a library assistant then a prefect. Mrs Bryce was exasperated by my poor spelling and written presentation. She had assumed my lack of progress in these areas were part of my defiant attitude towards her. During a lesson she asked me a question about a poem, I could not answer her because I was not paying attention.

When she asked me why I couldn’t answer.

I said

“To be honest Mrs Bryce I wasn’t really listening”.

The whole class were impressively shocked by what they though was one of my impertinent put downs, when it was an untactful discourse; I had tried to explain that my mind had wondered because I had difficulty focusing on what she was saying. She told me on her last day of teaching at Kingsway that she had given up on me for wasting my potential.

I would be unintentionally being tactless to my friends. I unintentionally offended my friend Mary. I went to her house for tea and when I used the bathroom I could not find the light switch. I told her entire family that their bathroom gave me the creeps not meaning to be critical about their house. They all thought I was being toffee nosed because I lived in a big posh house and my dad drove a Jaguar car. This faux pas went around the whole school and was an excuse for other pupils to have a go at me. Not only had I offended Mary’s entire family but her best friend Hazel because this used to be her Grandma’s old house. Though it was quite acceptable for my peers to say deliberately disablist, fatist, racist and Anti- Semitic comments, without anyone defending me.

I left secondary school with Grade 1 in Biology and grade 2 in Home Economics, Geography, Art and English. And grade 3 in Maths. These types of grades were perfectly acceptable for my school but I realise now that I had significantly underachieved. My career advisor Mrs Whitely who did not even know me well recommended that because I was "non academic", I should go into catering which proved to be totally unsuitable. I didn't fancy doing silver service which is just as well so I did a bakery course at Tameside college instead  but that's a blog for another day. I would have been better doing O levels and having dyslexia support at my local sixth-form college, but there was no such service. I don't feel any bitterness and resentment after all these years, but I'm glad the Dyspraxia Foundation is working with the British Dyslexia Association to raise awareness in schools so today's young people don't have similar experiences to mine.