About 5 years ago, My brother Robin Hyman (RIP) passed away at when he was only 53. I was on my probationary period as a Community Networker for a Health & Social Care Consultation Organisation. I also began to have a minor gynecological issue that gave me really bad stomach ache. This all affected my performance & I didn't pass the probationary period. I was very hard on myself but even a neurotypical would have struggled in this situation. I thought that I was a complete failure, that I was unemployable and that I was destined to spend the rest of my life on employment support allowance.
Those of you who have knowledge of mindfulness will realise that this state of suffering with low self-esteem depression and anxiety was not a permanent state, but I had the stubborn mind set to believe that I was destined to fail.(A situation in my experience that is far from unique for a dyspraxic adult). I recovered from depression and got thrown off employment support allowance, so had no choice but to look for work. I got a job with Future Vision's (FV) a Self Advocacy charity for people with learning disabilities for 16 hours as their development officer. I was terrified that history would repeat itself but I'm still there 3 years later.
I also have another job at Trafford CIL where FV is based as a Travel Trainer Project Coordinator, so Im working 30 hours. I am also responsible to for supporting my 87 year old Mother who has Alzheimer's who is still determined to live in her own home. of course the stress of having too jobs and supporting my Mum makes me more dyspraxic but it hasn't affected my work so that I'm in trouble at work. some days I'm so exhausted by the end of the day, that when my best friend phones me up she thinks I'm being funny with her when I can hardly engage in conversation. I may be knackered but I have also proved to myself that I can manage my stress a to the extent that I can function effectively. I do mindfulness, and exercise to help with my stress and eat healthily. Well if my funding for both jobs ends in June-July it wont be because my employers are trying to get rid of me but genuinely because they could find funds for me to continue. I'm hoping I will still have at least one of the jobs but I don't think that I'm so useless that I wont get another job or get one then not pass the probationary period. With my experience and new skill set from the past 3 years my future employer will be lucky to employ me.
